Whirling Dervish

by Jyoti

The rain had cleared from the evening before leaving the air crisp as my husband and I headed for the last day of the retreat at Gita Nagari Farm. Lectures were scarce that morning. The mood was replaced with celebration.

HH Radhanath Swami, along with monks and devotees, started in the middle of the room singing praises to Krishna. Kartals, mridanga drums and voices swelled in call and response as the wax figure of the beloved, Srila Prabhupada, looked on.

Women on one side, men on the other, yet this was in no shape or form like my time at the temple my husband and I attended. Faces were not stoic or tempered. They were swelling with joy as the mantras filled the room. The men not only danced alone or in circles, but the women clasped hands in small groups of 6 or more. One woman waived me into one such circle. We circled around and moved forward and back with the usual dance steps. Right foot forward, left foot forward. Left foot back. Right foot back.

Each woman in our group moved to the middle for a turn at dancing, almost wildly. Their souls were freed by chanting "Hare Krishna" in unison and their bodies let go of all fear, all reservation, and matched the joyous mood. Soon, I too was guided into the middle, turning round and round as I bounced off the floor in the middle of the women, almost in a whirling dervish. I stopped when I felt I had consumed too much time and despite feeling like I would fall over from dizziness, the women clasped my hands keeping me upright.

Maharaj jumped up and down in his saffron robe in delight singing, "Hare Krishna. Hare Krishna. Krishna Krishna. Hare Hare. Hare Rama. Hare Rama. Rama Rama. Hare Hare."

His face lit up like a young child playing a game for the first time, intoxicated by chanting the holy name. His humble demeanor was replaced with exultation. We all became devotees without barriers. We embraced childlike enthusiasm and exuded the innocence born from love and freedom. As Srila Prabhupada said, "and thus this sound vibration surpasses all lower strata of consciousness - namely sensual, mental and intellectual."

Aarti made its way around the room, and we all scooped up the heat of light to our heads. A little girl with a perfumed flower came over to us to smell the sweetness of it.

How long we stayed in this ecstatic state, chanting the Maha mantra and other mantras, is unknown. In the space of kirtan, there is no time. There was only the scent of the sweet flower. The heat of the candles. The sound of the Lord's name. The love blooming from each heart. And the sound of the sweet Lord's name.

Becoming Available to Grace

by Vanessa Ruedeman

~When the rain clouds come, take shelter in Krishna~

My name is Vanessa, born and raised in Long Island New York. I came to my first kirtan 2 years ago, not knowing exactly what it was, but still knowing I just had to be there. Life had taken many turns up to that point in my life, and it seemed I was destined to suffer every heartbreak childhood had to offer. I had lost my mother, my family, and my home by the age of 12 and spent the decades of my 20s trying to fill the missing pieces of my heart with all the unhealthy things one tries to fill it with before turning to yoga, and eventually and unbeknownst to me at the time, to God.

One day I had one breakup too many, and just like that my heart cracked into pieces. It wasn’t the breakup or the person who left me specifically, but the last drop in that proverbial bucket that had been waiting to tip over. It felt like falling into an endless pit of despair, a perpetual Alice hurtling down the looking glass, with no respite or end in sight. Realizing how much my emotional well-being seemed to be wrapped up into many aspects of material life I started asking myself, “Is there something more?”.

Enter my first Kirtan at the Bhakti Center. I sat in the most beautiful room I’ve ever seen, so neatly kept, with so many gorgeous and mysterious paintings around me. Comforted by the mere presence of other people around me, I sat on my cushion on the floor and wept openly. I let out all the pain from my heart and channeled it into something called the Maha Mantra. When I made my way home, my heart was still broken, but something miraculous was already starting to happen…. I felt the warm sensation of comfort starting to trickle its way back into my heart. In the two years that followed, I had begun an incredible journey into the world of Bhakti yoga. Kirtan has become such a central part of my practice, because it literally is a direct connection to God.

Kirtan is so many things. It’s an opportunity to connect with the divine, it’s a prayer, a mantra. It’s total surrender and a humble request to always be the Lord’s servant. It's a mood. It’s a physical manifestation of what’s in our hearts through the form of divine sound vibration. It's everything that the mind cannot even express. It’s crying out as loud as we can like a child crying for its mother, and knowing that no matter what, we’re never alone and always have a place we can call home.

As far as what I hope to gain, I can only hope that I'm able to take full advantage of every day and all its opportunities to love and serve the Lord.  And to cleanse my own heart from what I believe is the root of most human suffering: the illusion of separateness, from each other and from Krishna. I pray that I am in tune with his love and grace, and that I’m able to serve in return. I pray to remember to have gratitude for that painful day when my heart cracked open as the biggest blessing of my life.  It was through that suffering that I had found Krishna, and started to become available to his Grace.
Hare Krishna